MORE about the Pope’s sexual obsession? (they started it)

So, the Pope – keeping apace with the real world by choosing to tweet in Latin – is finally, finally…
but not quite finally, finallypope_condom_hat
bowing out from public life…
There must be a thousand appreciative blogs looking at the vagaries of his contribution to bringing the church into the 14th century and hundreds on his remarkable resignation over the Butler’s cooking DEVIL BREATH into his morning ash biscuit, but why, oh why, has no one…
talked about El Papa’s remarkable sex life?

There are those who think that being celibate means having no sexuality…
there are those who think that celibacy is a thin mask for rampant secret orgies..
and there are those who get pleasure from sucking the toes of Vietnamese ladyboys,
but the Pope’s sexuality has mostly been expressed in the form of telling people what not to do.

To do this one must have a good knowledge of sexual urges and these, funnily enough, seem to be pretty much universal in men. When I was at school I discovered that every other boy had also discovered the pleasures of masturbation, and then at later schools, the same thing. This evidence leads me to the belief that Pope can talk about at least this one form of sex from extensive personal experience, and yet he seems to feel the need to deny even that small pleasure to people on the grounds of silly lines in the ancient magic book.

I am quite ready to believe that Ratzinger has never done the mystery dance with a lady, not quite so sure he hasn’t tried a few adventurous manly cuddles after his spell in the Hitler youth, but wet dreams and “unintentional self-touching” ?
…these must, on the balance of probabilities, be well known to him.
And, as I have stated in a previous post – Wanking is good.
Wanking beautifully and satisfyingly gets rid of that natural urge that is used by backward cultures to justify the oppression of women, and we all know how much the pope champions the liberation of women…
So it is with no sarcasm that I am proud to announce the legacy of the retiring pope:
The world’s most famous wanker.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.